When you care too much what someone thinks about you you stop being the good sort of curious…the tension of over caring contorts you into such a stiff shape. You don’t mentally stretch out or notice things or play as much…. Stuck in the bondage of personality that you think might earn their love. It’s impossible for them to see you, and you’re so into your role which for whom they are also a character. So you don’t see them either. Everybody loses!
Nice sometimes when one maintains a bit of nostalgia and sentimentality for the versions of person they’ve been and the eras of life that they’ve lived through bc the aura and sense of personhood that they exude is fatter and more vibrant, transmitted through taste of decor or favorite films, style, handwriting, music. Love being shown a song and told “I listened to this all the time after my breakup,” or “My mom used to play this 24/7 in the car when I was young,” noticing the i’s that you still dot with hearts like u learned to in 6th grade. I know a girl who started texting lowercase after her first heartbreak and never went back to capital letters. So like the strangest things become pillars for us. Idk I’m always abruptly cutting myself off from the past in every way and I think it would do me good to keep some things alive
US people with disabilities in the supplemental security income (SSI) program can’t have a penny over $2K in their bank account at any time in order to keep their benefits.
You know this economy. That amount is completely unlivable & makes it hard for people with disability to save for the future or have a safety net for emergencies.
A new bill would raise the max to $10K (or $20K for married couples). It would make a world of difference.
When you fail to be selfish in the big important way in which you actually should be selfish you end up being selfish in stupid irrelevant ways in a last ditch unconscious effort to mark yourself on the world, in situations, because at the end of the day we all need to feel ourselves as vital in the world or within our interpersonal systems. You need somewhere in life where you feel important. I’m not saying you need to be the star. Just that what you can offer must be loved and appreciated and of value. Think about your days. You need someplace you need someone with whom you sense the truth of your integrality and importance. If you would be selfish in the big important way maybe they won’t love you anymore but they’ll have to respect you and maybe you will respect yourself. The soul speaks a symptomatic language. It hit me that I feel like ornamentation most of the time, and my soul is angry with me but at the same time tired of all of it. Static on an old TV
One of the few things I know about writing is this: spend it all, shoot it, play it, lose it, all, right away, every time. Do not hoard what seems good for a later place in the book, or for another book; give it, give it all, give it now. The impulse to save something good for a better place later is the signal to spend it now. Something more will arise for later, something better. These things fill from behind, from beneath, like well water. Similarly, the impulse to keep to yourself what you have learned is not only shameful, it is destructive. Anything you do not give freely and abundantly becomes lost to you. You open your safe and find ashes.
life positive randomness & regular brain lint♥